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 My Beliefs Sift through All That Discourages When I am Adjacent To Happiness

Complex


I'm trying to be inspired by anything
I'm trying to figure out the status of my sexuality
I'm trying to find my way through this maze of $hit that I play out in my mind all day
and it leads to unmotivating perceptions cause I feel even though I have changed
the road its to far and my feet are bleeding thinking of the journey
and assenting how far I have come
it's supposed to be thrilling to be learning its so overwhelming the knowledge of knowing
that you have so much more to learn
I feel like a child silly and stupid than my mood switches and I'm rude and ruthless
I can stop the constipation running miles around my bed I can't stop wanting to bite lines
from what other people said cause I'm pissed that they are where I want to be in this gift
it could be a curse and I give proper warning cause I'm about to blow though the caution
means nothing standing within my reach cuz' people want to get in the way of the bomb
be apart of the explosion I'm about to go and I got to
shake them off cause they say "I got a wonderful personality" " I got it better than most cause
I know how to express what I'm feeling" there aren't enough pages and there are too many
words to many thoughts trying to be heard and I get doubtful when people would get near
me cause when you're here I just want to push you away when you're gone I wish you
had stayed cause no one wants to be alone and I don't know half the time what the hell I
want and I'm trying not to lie to myself But the way I come across is never the way it felt
in my head $hit I said that outloud wasn't even what I wanted to say It's difficult thinking
I'm this good Its
hard but I think I could be happy even though I believe my life was predestined  to be this
dissatisfying and yeah it's hard to be happy when you're this complex this unnerved by the things I express this
deterred to be in depth cause I think you got bored listening to all my $hit  $hit I'm boring myself but what can I
do cept' be who I am
What can I give but effort why does it got to be this inconvenient to live with these
regulations when my vision My vision is starving for some inspiration anything to soak
up this lingual drought some soul food to chase it down and I know that I can fly
but the weight of realization is constant the need for a reality check served in courses
I open up for a second its amazing all the bull$hit I got to shove down It's hard to not to
swallow  Tonight I'm so
caught up scrounging for ideas end up with only reborn ideas of how to get out from under poverty I'm not
poor I just don't have enough money
 I'm starving and I want to bite lines from other artist cause I see where they are and I got this need to succeed its a
hunger that don't sleep keeps me wanting what I need to be among the stars steadily rousing thoughts to rhyme
I just got inspired silly to stupid cause I just acknowledged that I am an artist capable
of overcoming a writers block and write about it
Rude to ruthless cause eventually I'm going to come in for a crash landing
and its gonna hit hard It's gonna all come down and I'm going to have to get up
wipe myself off and kiss the bruise Reality bestowed upon my hopes but only my bones are shook I don't break nah
I just bend and form a shape that is flexible and yes I'll make it someday just not today It's sad I know







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