I have struggled all my life.
My mother would say
you're not real bright.
Hitting and slapping me from
the time I was small.
By age fifteen,
I had no feelings at all.
My brothers and sisters were
witness to this, but never said much,
no love did they miss.
My mother never liked me,
this she made known.
So I left for the security
of another home.
Only to end up in a worse
hitting zone.
This man that I married was great
at first.
Hitting and slapping me,
this really hurts.
I'd sit and I'd think,
"why am I here?"
I could see no way out,...
this went on for years.
One day it comes to me,
to take my own life.
I thought of this daily,
and tried more than twice.
I tried and I tried,
but could never decide.
Then I get the news
of my brothers suicide.
The hurt is so awful,
it's hard to explain.
I'd not want my people to
live through this pain!
It's
now been some years
since he has been gone.
I've been there,in that dark place
all alone.
To pull myself through,
I've had to be strong!
I left my husband,my children to.
And started on more than one hell or two.
My lover,my friend,unexpectedly died.
No one could save him not even I.
I'm going crazy,HELP
GOD,
can't you see?
I want to live,but my mind
needs set free!
I go to the hospital for tests
to find out?
Could drugs be the answer?
With meds I have doubt?!
I'm doing much better,
on the surface,it seems?
Not really because I lose
track of my dreams.
I end up in prison for three very
long years.
I've made stupid choices and
cried many tears.
For today that's OK,
with this new life I face,
I'll hold my head high as
I stroll through them
gates.
I'm seeing life different,
I did have a plan?
This wasn't the way
with a drink in each hand.
Booze taken' me down
again and again.
Along comes this man,
whom I want really bad!
He wants me to and
I'm so very glad.
I thank you DEAR
GOD
for this heavenly
send!
I feel this mans love
and I pray it won't end.
He makes me feel loved,
like never before.
I fear it won't last and
he'll walk out the door.
I can't stop this feeling,
you see I can't trust.
"Unconditional Love"
I know is a must.
I'm scared as hell he'll hit
me or split,
or find a new lover?
So I wait for the day when
truly it's over.
These negative thoughts
just won't go away,
then more bad news comes
flying' my way.
A loved one, a sister,
has taken her own life.
My brother, now her,
the pain never ends.
It's sad but true,
our family can't win.
I don't understand it!
They were loved throughout life,
and were taught how to fit.
Never left all alone, or abused,
and not hit.
They had money, a home,
good family and friends.
Yet
both chose the dark place,
and made it their end.
I've known this dark place
once over again.
Cause I was the one that
was left to the wind.
I'm not easy to live with,
these up-coming days,
with much loss and much pain,
my minds in a daze.
Life's trials were not easy,
and have made me strong.
My choice is to live,
and hope to live long.
I've decided to have faith,
and put trust in my
man...
Together we're strong,
"Life Together;
Forever
Is Our Plan!"
