When is too much to handle enough?
Screaming at the top of my lungs for someone to hear my plea,
Having my back against the wall and my face having a pause,
Nothing makes sense anymore.
I try so hard to understand and comprehend,
Why people do the things they do to me,
I do not deserve this.
I am a good person and I know I am.
Negative impulses bring negative thoughts to those that want to do me in,
Reaching for the top and they try so hard to bring me down.
Do they not see the treachery that do.
Closing my eyes I try to makes sense of everything that this happening now,
But I do not see a clear path.
Sometimes I believe I am invisible,
No one can see the pain in my eyes or the hurt in my voice,
Or even notice the sad spirit that lingers around me.
Dusting off this feeling is one of the hardest things to do.
I shake off a little bit but it always manages to come back.
Parts of me disappear slowly everyday,
Failure stays inside my mind,
Questioning me continuously day in and day out has become a battle,
Making the right decision and staying away from the wrong one.
Everyone surrounding me trying to figure out what is best for me,
What they would do in my place or what I should have done.
This idea of being invisible appeals more and more to me each day,
Not having to deal with reality but making everything surreal pleases me.
No one knows what is best for me except me and God of course.
Once I am not around maybe they will notice something is missing,
A happy laughter or even a bright smile,
Words of encouragement or advice springing from my lips,
They will notice that I did a disappearing act.