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The Joy Of Sorrow

I lay in a heap before him grasping
for breath drowning in my emotions.
Being forced to accept the fact that
he has no love for me within him.

I did not recognize what laid just
beneath his skin's surface. Patiently
waiting until I shared my heart and
vulnerability.Then like a venomous
snake he'd strike Injecting self-doubt
into my veins.

My truth, he turned into lies. Soon the true
nature of his gifts grew within my heart and
soul like cancer. He stole my motherhood
and then filled my womb with his hate. With
my life in his hands he showed no mercy,
death would be my fate.

Abandoned and left for dead, He never once
looked back. Only viscous lies would he
spread. Unable to survive the wounds too
deep I fall into unconsciousness. Only grief
and to his delight would I feel.

How very clever were his methods leading
me to kill my own spirit. What is to become
of my child who's cries are silenced and
disregarded? With no remorse for the suffering
caused, He states, He has only just started.

Standing silently in my sadness I watch them
drive away. The moments shared feel stolen.
I turn to the place I have tried to call home.
Empty and childless as I look into my daughter's
now vacant room.

No child’s laughter do I hear, only the sound of my
falling tears. I used to be so capable, so strong. Now
it feels  my whole life's purpose has been wrong.
I have heard that in time my broken heart and spirit
will heal, but for me time seems to be standing still.

One would only have to look from the outside in
to see where I have been. I lived my life through
the eyes of men. The perfect wife in every way I
would be I was not to ask, want or need anything
different then the way he chose it for me.

Far to long had I sought for acceptance and love,
not from within, but outside of myself. I was never
happy, for truly how could I be? I had put my own
life on a shelve. Looking back I see I have been
fighting for my right just to be me, it feels as
though for an eternity.

For all the fighting to be me I have done, a
question hauntingly pursues me. Just who am I
really? I have to say learning whom hasn't always
been a lot of fun! But now, On some day's you
might catch me singing in the sun.

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