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o Calculating Cat

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it was a life changing experience
as he later came to recall
the back breaking straw
that went and changed it all

it said automatic coffee maker
so he bought it with delight
and sat waiting for his coffee
all that long day and night

until he read the book
and to his despair
it wasn't automatic
it needed him there

for he had to add the water
plug it into the wall
and grind the coffee beans
he had to do it all

his dreams were shattered
full of despair
it didn't work properly
just sat silently there

he didn't call that automatic
thought it was a swizz
just when he'd thought
he'd gone and bough the biz

so he so he sold his house in perthshire
moved lock stock and barrel to wales
where he spends his days in seclusion
composing poetry for garden snails

now he never drinks coffee
just fresh spring water
lives a life of contemplation
doing only that which he oughta

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