~~~ I have been very ill recently (actually i have not been right since November), only found out yesterday just how ill i have been, i wasn't lying when i thought my time was up, i have been scared recently and very very emotional, more emotional than normal, my mood swings have been terrible and i have done and said some things i would not have said if i wasn't feeling so sick. I have learnt my lesson and i will no longer waste what precious time i have on this planet acting like a numb skull
I am not full of hate or bitterness i have just gone about things the wrong way, i have not meant to cause people harm. I have been left in this house on my own with death knocking at my door and i have been very scared and have acted very irrationally even for me. I apologize to everyone i have caused offense too and I'd like to thank everyone who has looked after me whilst i have been ill, those who truly care about me, your love has been the best medicine and has given me that extra strengh to get better, i am on the mend, it's just been a little wake up call for Matt~~
~~Deaths Dress Rehearsal~~
Dear Mr Reaper thank you for visiting me the other night
I admit it was at first a bit of a fright
Both my grandparents died of pneumonia
and i admit i was getting a very high fever
But thank you for sitting on my bed
Gently wiping my sweat from my head
You know in future you don't need to bring the scythe
Because next time i see you i know it's the end of my life
But i just wanted to tell you, thank you for the advise you gave
I know recently i have not been very well behaved
You're right in what you said
"Is this the way you would like to end things when your dead?"
And the answer is 'NO!' no i don't want to end my days arguing
Or causing those people i once love suffering
I don't want to cause fights and wars
And waste my time settling scores
I don't want to write hurtful things to those who hurt me
I don't want to waste my time on such stupidity
You have given me another chance and i am very grateful for that
I will no longer behave like a twat
I will instead love those who love me back
And will no longer be on the attack
When my time is set too leave
I will do everything for those who will miss me and grieve
I will tell those who have hurt me that i forgive them
They after all just women
I will forgive the men who have stolen and taken
Things to me that were forsaken
I will love those who care about me and i care about them
I don't want to die knowing that others think i hate
Because i don't hate anyone, i just made a stupid mistake
I want to die knowing that i was a good person
I don't want others to read a different version
I want to die with no secrets and no lies
And more importantly i want to say my goodbyes.
~~66000 people did in the UK each year of pneumonia it isn't just an old persons disease. If you have a cold that doesn't go away go to your Dr's, i felt like an idiot keep going back there, but my instinct and knowing my own body saved my life~~
