Beautiful Disaster


She makes a joke
About her imperfections
Then smiles
And laughs it off
But they know
As does she
Her jokes are just a way
To say the words left unspoken
To cry out for attention and affection
For its often the unspoken
That needs to be spoken most

Like those words
She might use to express
How much she hates all she is
Because of all she isn't
And then the irrational justifications
To follow those claims

She might lament
Over the burdens she carries
Being the “Good Kid”
Of the family
The honor student
Of the class
Unable to exceed her own
Terrified of risks
Unwilling to break rules
In fear of reprimand
Cursing the overactive superego
That dictates her life

Or perhaps she'll tell
her testimony as a loner
A willing outcast
Afraid to participate
Fearing rejection
Afraid to try
Fearing failure
Allowing life to pass her by
Chances slipping off her fingertips
Beginning to realize
She can't hold them forever

Or maybe she'll whisper
Her greatest downfall:
Consumption by compassion
Caring so much about them
But so little about herself
Willing to change the world
Or die trying, but
Unable to change herself
Or even try

She might reveal
The deep desires of her heart
To be beautiful to someone
(And to herself)
To be good enough
To finally realize the
Potential she possesses
To feel like she belongs,
(Both wanted and accepted)
To find pride in her
Purity and strength
(Instead of finding fault in her
And to embrace her imperfections

And maybe she'll reminisce
On hopes and dreams
To encourage
To teach
To touch
To help
To motivate
To inspire
To help
To heal
To reach
To serve
To live

Perhaps she'd say all of this and more
But for now these words
Will remain unspoken

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