Vigilante ET AL.

Darkest Night Of Our Souls

One more
Sad but unavoidable
Dark night of the soul
With one hand on the heart
The other on the throat.

The reality show watching
Witnessing the disintegration
Of what held so much promise
But captured in the rapture
For freely granting her soul
Only to feel
So lonely
Captive to the fears*
Making their presence*
In between tears.

Her undying love
And steadfast faith
Should have been enough
To eradicate those fears
Those suspicions
Of an emotional unavailable man
Were a blatant lie
Dripping with envy
Instead of open heart
Pouring forth unlimited affection
The dream inevitably bleak
For that ship
Sank long before
You met me
My failure to bring
You joy so deserving
My regrettable legacy.

I'm the ghost vanishing
Slowly into the ether
Neither of us asking
Where I've gone
A forgone conclusion
Defiantly invisible.

No longer being asked
With affectionate sighs
To embrace you warmly
Too much of a bother
For both of us
As we emotionally clobber
Each other into oblivion
With assumptions
A bit more complex
Than a grain of salt
Becoming the relentless assault
Upon my senses.

Looking for sympathy
To mend fences
Despite the dying support
I'm not kidding anyone
It's another excuse for holding on
One more cop out
For checking out.

Once you felt safe
And so complete
But intimacy a feat
I've yet to achieve
While cheating you
Out of your peak years
And you fear
That your beauty has faded
But its I that aged quickly
And thoughtlessly tossed
My real chance
At love away
Don't worry
Your soulmate
Is waiting in the wings
To give you an emotional feast
I couldn't provide.

No more tears can be shed
Guinness book of records
For longest argument said
Not to be celebrated
No one to be vindicated
Only this bottomless shame
I feel within for
I was afforded the opportunity
That only really comes once
More if you're truly blessed
To be something special
A fate so magical
But I didn't take care
Of a lifetime opportunity
Letting it fall into disrepair.

Our conversation stilted
Everything close to the vest
Practicality without emotion
Strictly impersonal
Liking it this way
Don't have to dig within
Just to feel
For we don't want to hurt
From each other's emotional punches.

There's no talking of getting it back
Nostalgia best left in the past
With one recourse
Besides divorce
To bury the carcass
And pray we may be reborn
Alas, separately
Collectively asking for forgiveness
Acceptance instead of scorn.

P 3 4 23-1/24/24

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Darkest Night Of Our Souls

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