Tears are falling
I don't like them
It all seems so hard
You have to go on anyway
My house is so much smaller
Than the one I lived in for two decades
And the heat bills are so much bigger.

Tears are falling
Because I would rather write
About my pain
Than get up off my dead ass
And do do do
I do sometimes
But it seems so hard to get it together
After my life has fallen apart.

Tears are falling
I hate changes in my life
I hate it that I don't have my old house
I hate it that I don't have my old job
I hate it that my son's at war
I hate it that I worry worry worry
When I used to be more
In a hurry hurry hurry
I need an intervention
I need help somehow.

Tears are falling
Always so independent
All my life
On my own since 16
Always had dreams of being something
Always had dreams of doing my best
It's so hard now to get it together
And I don't know where to start
Or how to act
I don't care about myself
My crap is crap
And I just want to go take a nap
With a dog or kitten in my lap.

Tears are falling
Life is tearing me up
It's more myself than life
It's weird to live alone
In a town where you don't count
Awaiting a son that's never gonna be
Your baby anymore because he has a wife
And kids and work and his dreams
While his momma screams:
Come back and yell at me son
I need your criticisms in my life
Someone to shame me and help me see
That I am alive
Life's not over for me.

Tears have stopped falling
I just needed to vent
And all that I type
Is time well spent
On what ails me
Because I am failing me
And oh I shouldn't me so mean
To a lonely mermaid
Who used to feel like a Mermaid Queen.

1/19/2011 2339 PST cj

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