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Cold with no warmth

We are opposite.
You look at actions and I'm listening to words.
Your words had already said you abandoned me.
My trauma matters not.
My feelings matter not.
You already said it.
I don't understand this dialogue.
You want me to go deeper but why if you don't care about the emotions I give already
I asked you a long time ago if I could trust you with my emotions.
I don't believe you understood what I meant by that.
It's so hard to be vulnerable around you
When you get upset you'll say anything that hurts
Your words turn to ice picks and you throw them as hard as you possibly
I don't like to upset you.
But I always do.
I feel like I don't matter to you.
I was only there because I was your safe choice.
Not because I was the person you wanted.
I changed. I have been told by several people including you.
I'm not the person I used to be.
And I know you don't like this version of me.
Sad days are ahead
Everyday I wake up without you...
It's detrimental.
Every time I see your email I hope you're saying come home
But I know that will never happen again.
Instead it's another email telling me how horrible of a person I am
Or how I manipulated you.
Or how I never cared.
It upsets me that you think that but I can't show it.
I can't show my emotions to you.
You don't want them.
You don't want me.
I don't want to talk about this anymore.
I will keep my insecurities to myself.


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Cold with no warmth