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Maybe with more time it'll go away.
Maybe I just need more time to grieve.
I haven't had the chance to just be alone.
My situation doesn't allow for that.
Crying just doesn't seem like suitable response for something of this magnitude.
I want to scream.
I want to rip my torso open
Crack it right down the middle
Let the pain spew out
As if it were water from a hydrant that's somehow been loosened.
I want to come out of my skin.
Maybe if I wash it without being within
It'll feel like home again.
I've not been the same since the first time I felt her presence.
Without her I just feel empty.
I held it in long enough.
Was trying to keep myself together but...
Once I left it was like putting a jigsaw together and grabbing it by the corner
Expecting it to stay in one piece.
10 months.
A lifetime to go.
I thought when I left it would get easier to breathe as time progressed
But she was my oxygen underwater.
I walked away from my lifeline.
In my mind she would be better without me.
Find someone who was more like her.
Who wasn't a burden to her.
I thought I wasn't doing enough for her.
I was embarrassed about my situation
I talked down to myself and somewhere along the way
I became so critical of myself that I believed everyone around me thought what I thought
She never left me.
She supported all my stupid ideas.
We always got through it together.
We figured out solutions together.
No mas.
What do you do when your soulmate is gone...
How do you keep going?

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