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The dark place....

I can't settle my spirit.
Well I haven't been able to.
What's that?
I'm trying.
That's all.
If I don't make it...I tried.
I haven't had much of a will to do anything.
No. It's not just about missing her.
It's about me as a whole.
I feel like I'm failing at life.
I've felt like this since December of 2021....
Leaving my family made it worse.
Like I'm sliding down a dark hole.
No hopes of escaping. I don't know.
I dont know what I'm doing.
This is the worse place I've ever been.
It just doesn't seem like it'll get better.
2 years.
I don't want to do it anymore.
That's where I am in life.
Stuck at the bottom.
I guess a part of me left cause I don't think they should
Have to go through that with me.
I guess I felt loved but I didn't think it was fair that I couldn't get it together or keep it together
And she went through all the lowest points with me.
I felt like she deserved better than who I was.
Doesn't keep me from wanting and missing her tho.
I've been alone for months.
It's probably best like that.
I don't want her to think I don't care.
I'm just still in the dark place. I've been there for a long while.
I don't know if I will come out again.
The light hurts my eyes and they produce water.
Uncomfortably and uncontrollably.
Maybe one day I'll come out again.
But I think I'll stay here for now.

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The dark place....