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A fate far worse than death
I been in a constant state of loss for about 2 years now.
My confidence is...shoddy at best.
I've been celibate for 6 months now.
I've deactivated some of my social media.
I was trying to make new friends and connect with people
But that comes with a crippling anxiety I've never felt before.
I tried to get under someone new...
It disgusted me.
I thought not talking about it would make it ease up
But pain is a lot like anger when bottled up and suppressed and repressed
Not letting it out makes it grow like never before.
I've left home and returned.
Prayed....prayed til the air ran out of my lungs
Cried......until my eye lashes hurt
Been trying to wait it out...
You know, weather the storm.
Time has only made things worse.
The storm is supposed to die at some point
But it feels as if time has fueled this storm.
The days get worse, nights get longer
Bad news feels like the norm and good news while it's far and few
Good news makes for bad days cause who do I tell it to?
It's a cruel joke.
Nothings helped.
Nothing can help.
No one can help.
Either I'll make it out or I won't.
I can tell you this....I won't be upset when the end comes for me.
It's going to be a lot less upsetting than leaving your family.
Some things you just don't recover from.
My confidence is...shoddy at best.
I've been celibate for 6 months now.
I've deactivated some of my social media.
I was trying to make new friends and connect with people
But that comes with a crippling anxiety I've never felt before.
I tried to get under someone new...
It disgusted me.
I thought not talking about it would make it ease up
But pain is a lot like anger when bottled up and suppressed and repressed
Not letting it out makes it grow like never before.
I've left home and returned.
Prayed....prayed til the air ran out of my lungs
Cried......until my eye lashes hurt
Been trying to wait it out...
You know, weather the storm.
Time has only made things worse.
The storm is supposed to die at some point
But it feels as if time has fueled this storm.
The days get worse, nights get longer
Bad news feels like the norm and good news while it's far and few
Good news makes for bad days cause who do I tell it to?
It's a cruel joke.
Nothings helped.
Nothing can help.
No one can help.
Either I'll make it out or I won't.
I can tell you this....I won't be upset when the end comes for me.
It's going to be a lot less upsetting than leaving your family.
Some things you just don't recover from.
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A fate far worse than death
A fate far worse than death