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12/17
I felt like I wasn't satisfying you.
I felt like I wasn't satisfying myself....
In terms of what I was supposed to be doing.
Then the argument happened....
I felt ashamed honestly.
Of the betrayal I had put at your doorstep.
I honestly was just talking out the side of my neck.
I didn't mean what I said to you.
Never wanted to put you in danger how I did.
Never wanted Caroline.
I wasn't looking at it the way you were.
But I should've been.
You were right tho.
It was a betrayal.
What we shared shouldn't have been broadcasted.
Anywhere. With anyone.
I felt like I was failing you because of how I felt.
Because of how much I was losing.
And then you had to step in and financially support me....
I felt like a child.
I felt as tho you felt like I was using you.
I didn't feel that I was a good partner.
I probably wasn't.
Should've tried harder to communicate with you.
Should've let you feel your feelings.
Instead I ran.
I didn't want you to feel like I was manipulating you.
I wasn't. Honestly I wasn't.
I left and the way I thought at the time was prideful.
I said I would leave and unalive myself.
Then slim came.
Picked me up.
Took my pew pews.
Didn't leave me alone for anything.
I was being babysat.
For a week I was watched.
Then while I was still manic I decided I would do it alone.
It legit felt like you were setting me up to kick me out of your life that last month.
So I sat out to do everything on my own.
There was never an upside to my leaving.
Not for me.
I was angry, ashamed, sad af.
I wanted to leave this place...
My lady doesn't want me anymore.
But who would want someone they didn't feel safe with.
Sorry doesn't fix anything.
In my mind, I don't think I'll ever get to see you again.
I'd like to.
But I don't want to cause you more pain.
I still love you.
I'm still in love with you.
I don't think that will go away.
I've loved you since before I told you I loved you on accident.
I never stopped.
I miss you.
My soul and spirit cry for you daily.
Thank you for all the love.
For everything you've taught me.
Thank you for being you.
Take care.
Love always,
Dreanna
I felt like I wasn't satisfying myself....
In terms of what I was supposed to be doing.
Then the argument happened....
I felt ashamed honestly.
Of the betrayal I had put at your doorstep.
I honestly was just talking out the side of my neck.
I didn't mean what I said to you.
Never wanted to put you in danger how I did.
Never wanted Caroline.
I wasn't looking at it the way you were.
But I should've been.
You were right tho.
It was a betrayal.
What we shared shouldn't have been broadcasted.
Anywhere. With anyone.
I felt like I was failing you because of how I felt.
Because of how much I was losing.
And then you had to step in and financially support me....
I felt like a child.
I felt as tho you felt like I was using you.
I didn't feel that I was a good partner.
I probably wasn't.
Should've tried harder to communicate with you.
Should've let you feel your feelings.
Instead I ran.
I didn't want you to feel like I was manipulating you.
I wasn't. Honestly I wasn't.
I left and the way I thought at the time was prideful.
I said I would leave and unalive myself.
Then slim came.
Picked me up.
Took my pew pews.
Didn't leave me alone for anything.
I was being babysat.
For a week I was watched.
Then while I was still manic I decided I would do it alone.
It legit felt like you were setting me up to kick me out of your life that last month.
So I sat out to do everything on my own.
There was never an upside to my leaving.
Not for me.
I was angry, ashamed, sad af.
I wanted to leave this place...
My lady doesn't want me anymore.
But who would want someone they didn't feel safe with.
Sorry doesn't fix anything.
In my mind, I don't think I'll ever get to see you again.
I'd like to.
But I don't want to cause you more pain.
I still love you.
I'm still in love with you.
I don't think that will go away.
I've loved you since before I told you I loved you on accident.
I never stopped.
I miss you.
My soul and spirit cry for you daily.
Thank you for all the love.
For everything you've taught me.
Thank you for being you.
Take care.
Love always,
Dreanna
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12/17
12/17