Now God, I know I am a pain to you!
And I must drive you up the wall,
Cos every night, there I am…
Giving you another call!
But let me tell you now; Dear God,
I know I am hard work for you!
Cos I always give you a headache!
Oh yes Dear God, that's very true!
So tonight I think this little chat…
Will be about my ear!
Because the pain is really awful,
And nope, I can't really hear!
You see, it's a little like this…
And I guess, a lot like that!
My ears are driving me nuts this night!
I just don't know where I'm at!
Cos they both get sore all the time,
And because I am such a pain,
I won't go and see the doctor;
Cos they may think; ‘oh no, it's her again!'
But this night they are really bad,
Well, the right one is, that's true!
And I could do with a little less pain,
So that's why I'm once more chatting to you!
So could you please, if you want?
Cut me a little slack this night!
Cos I truly am in a nightmare!
And I've had another little fright!
Cos you know this kidney trouble!
And the bladder problem too!
Well they have got me up the wall again!
And I don't quite know what to do!
You see, the kidney has a few problems,
And I keep peeing out some stones,
And flippin' ‘eck and sugar plums,
You should hear my cries and groans!
Cos you know, they really hurt, a lot!
As they pass down through that tube!
In fact, I really could do with some…
Greasy, slippy, slimey lube!
So it will grease the pipe thing,
That the stones are trying to go through!
Cos trust me God, I have to say…
It really does hurt! I'll tell you true!
Now I need an operation don't I;
To put this bladder right,
And to be fair, I have to add,
I'm sick of being in this pain every night!
And then there is the blockage…
In the tube that joins the kidney!
And that has got to be made bigger…
Oh God, oh woe is me!
Now those two problems aint all that,
Cos to me, they are a little glitch!
So can you please, make them surgeons!
Fix me without a hitch!!
So then there is this cyst on the kidney,
Can you make that melt away?
Cos I don't want an operation there!
So can you please God; make my day?
And as for this flippin' kidney God,
It's got a pocket in there too!
Is that where the stones are hiding?
Cos I don't really have much of a clue!
Anyway, about me ears Dear God;
Cos they are my worry this night!
All swollen up, and in agony I am!
I look such an awful sight!!
So anyway, there you go!
My prayers to you once again!
Do your best my God, I ask…
Cos this pain is making me insane!