Finding Myself 1 Word At A Time
6 March 2008
I can't believe I've been gone so long!!!!!!!!!! Lately life keeps throwing curve balls, from all directions, straight for my head. I've allowed my feelings about the world without to take too much of a toll on what's within me. I've always considered myself strong enough to face whatever life throws at me, but I guess as I get older my ability to fight back isn't what it used to be.
I'm trying like hell to pull it together, but lately it feels as if someone (with the power to affect every aspect of my life) is out to get me! I know, I know. . .paraniod much? Anyone that's knows my back story is well aware that my life is far from perfect in soooo many ways, yet I've strived to hang on, knowing that my fate could be worse. It just seems that I clear up one major issue and something else, even worse, is waiting in the wings.
Stress can do a real number on those in perfect health. For someone with my multiple physical and medical disabilities, it could be deadly. I'm really trying to persevere and be strong, but when my own government seems hell bent on making it impossible for me to maintain a normal, fulfilling life; well that's a bitter pill to take.
Reader's Digest version: As of August of last year (2007) I was notified that in 2004 I earned a little more than soc. sec. allows for 3 nonconsecutive months, which means I received an overpayment of maybe a couple hundred $. Since I always report earnings promptly (whenever I'm able to work) I want to know why the notification took 3 years! The upshot is that they're claiming that said minor overpayment rendered me "ineligible for benefits" from June of 2004 "continuing!!!!!!!!!!!"
Never mind that from April 2004 until today I only worked for 3 or 4 months in 2005, 4 DAYS in 06, and that is it. I've had to retain an attorney, because now they're trying to take away my only means of support. It looked like I might be o.k. until I received my 1099 for 07 that claimed I received over 30 grand from disability AND I repaid more than $17,000!! Next they send out a repayment schedule, and that from 2/2008 through 09/2009 I will receive 0, then $25.10 in 10/09, & then I'll start getting my disability after they've recouped the $27,000 & change they say I owe!!
I was not sent notification prior to the repayment schedule which means I wasn't given the opportunity to appeal this travesty! With all of the people in this country that are getting an unchallenged, undeserved free ride, they go after people who are truly disabled, and until (I'm afraid to say if) they fix THEIR mistake there is an actual human being who can't buy food, pay the bills, etc.
I'm so disgusted that I would like to just pull my covers up and over my head and NEVER, EVER get out of bed again. So hopefully it's understandable that I've not been keeping up with other things. Usually when I'm stressed writing provides refuge, but I'm SO overwhelmed right now that I'm barely functional. I'm trying to rally, but easy it ain't!
I do want to thank everyone who's read my work and thank you for all of your wonderfully positive feedback. I'm sorry I've not returned the courtesy. Hopefully you will understand why and forgive my lack of participation. If I can get out from under the covers I'm hoping to add some new content. Please don't stop visiting because I suck at giving feedback. . .besides all of the drama with me, I'm also technologically challenged, and when I actually try to reciprocate I somehow manage to screw it up. But I'm being 100% sincere when I tell you that reading people's feedback to my work and knowing it's touched others in some small way gives me incentive. After reading them I took the time to type out this update, which may not seem like all that much, but trust me when I tell you that compared to most days, this task is like climbing Mt. Everest!
It makes me think that there is a purpose for the seemingly endless trials and tribulations I've been chosen to go through. This site (when I actually have the desire to try and do more than lay about in a near catatonic state) is a Godsend. I will keep trying to master the give and take of sending out feedback, and I'll keep looking for the feedback that's sent my way.
I'm trying to keep hold of my belief that my life is what it is because there's a greater purpose waiting. I've held fast to the idea that my suffering can serve as an example to others, and if even just one person is saved because of my experience, then the universe makes sense. Besides, there's never a testimony without there first being a test. I'm just weary of a test that seems ongoing and never ending.
Enough whining! Things have sucked, more so than usual, but I'm still here, and I'm fighting to remain! I just wanted to let those who've been repeat visitors, and to anyone new who stops in, what's been going on with me. My actions here are not a reflection on what I write or how I normally conduct myself. Extreme circumstance has quite literally paralyzed me with fear, and I apologize for my weakness. I will find a way to rally and rejoin the world, but it won't happen overnight. I hope you will give me another chance and a little more time because I like your thoughts and reactions and then going to reader's site and getting to know them. (my lack of FB giving aside, I ALWAYS visit the sites of those who visit mine and provide their FB, and it's wonderful to read so many pieces because it brings everything full circle as I get to know each person who reads and comments here).
11 May 2007
Again, I must apologize for a rather lengthy absence. Lately I'm
tired a lot of the time, and although I hate to admit to it, I think I'm
just in a funk of some sort. I have been making progess though on my
HIV/Aids preventative education program. I've been contacting the right
agencies and looking into a lot of things.
I'm hoping to soon have a website up and running, and I hope all who
take the time to read my poetry will also take an interest in this as
well. Where I live, the sad but true fact is that they will be facing a
pandemic if measures aren't taken NOW to stop it. It's a rural area, and it's just beautiful in so many ways, UNTIL you get into the center of the many small towns.
It's a socio-economically depressed area. The job outlook is bleak,
and recently they did a survey which showed that the percentage of drug
and alcohol usage in both junior and highschools are well over the
state's, and in some cases, national norms. Unfortunately the county
bases their funding for HIV/Aids only on the number of REPORTED cases.
I'm sure there are a great many places in this country that are in the
same boat. All we're currently doing is bailing water, when what we
should do is bring the damn thing into dock and start fixing the problems
that are causing us to sink.
I am in Pennsylvania, and my strength is public speaking. If you know
of any agencies that could use an effective speaker, just contact me
through this site, for now. I'm trying to save lives & that starts in
the schools all the way into the rehabs.
As a post note I'd like to thank everyone for their great feedbacks, &
I'm sorry I've not been around to reciprocate. I'll try my best to
remedy this in the not too distant future. Please be patient, I've just
been a bit overwhelmed.
Yours Truly,
Michele
25 May 2007
It seems like everytime I get the energy to actually function, life throws me another curveball. Right now I'm fighting w/ the state to retain my benefits, so if I'm MIA for a time, please understand. Thanks
so much!
Michele
I can't believe I've been gone so long!!!!!!!!!! Lately life keeps throwing curve balls, from all directions, straight for my head. I've allowed my feelings about the world without to take too much of a toll on what's within me. I've always considered myself strong enough to face whatever life throws at me, but I guess as I get older my ability to fight back isn't what it used to be.
I'm trying like hell to pull it together, but lately it feels as if someone (with the power to affect every aspect of my life) is out to get me! I know, I know. . .paraniod much? Anyone that's knows my back story is well aware that my life is far from perfect in soooo many ways, yet I've strived to hang on, knowing that my fate could be worse. It just seems that I clear up one major issue and something else, even worse, is waiting in the wings.
Stress can do a real number on those in perfect health. For someone with my multiple physical and medical disabilities, it could be deadly. I'm really trying to persevere and be strong, but when my own government seems hell bent on making it impossible for me to maintain a normal, fulfilling life; well that's a bitter pill to take.
Reader's Digest version: As of August of last year (2007) I was notified that in 2004 I earned a little more than soc. sec. allows for 3 nonconsecutive months, which means I received an overpayment of maybe a couple hundred $. Since I always report earnings promptly (whenever I'm able to work) I want to know why the notification took 3 years! The upshot is that they're claiming that said minor overpayment rendered me "ineligible for benefits" from June of 2004 "continuing!!!!!!!!!!!"
Never mind that from April 2004 until today I only worked for 3 or 4 months in 2005, 4 DAYS in 06, and that is it. I've had to retain an attorney, because now they're trying to take away my only means of support. It looked like I might be o.k. until I received my 1099 for 07 that claimed I received over 30 grand from disability AND I repaid more than $17,000!! Next they send out a repayment schedule, and that from 2/2008 through 09/2009 I will receive 0, then $25.10 in 10/09, & then I'll start getting my disability after they've recouped the $27,000 & change they say I owe!!
I was not sent notification prior to the repayment schedule which means I wasn't given the opportunity to appeal this travesty! With all of the people in this country that are getting an unchallenged, undeserved free ride, they go after people who are truly disabled, and until (I'm afraid to say if) they fix THEIR mistake there is an actual human being who can't buy food, pay the bills, etc.
I'm so disgusted that I would like to just pull my covers up and over my head and NEVER, EVER get out of bed again. So hopefully it's understandable that I've not been keeping up with other things. Usually when I'm stressed writing provides refuge, but I'm SO overwhelmed right now that I'm barely functional. I'm trying to rally, but easy it ain't!
I do want to thank everyone who's read my work and thank you for all of your wonderfully positive feedback. I'm sorry I've not returned the courtesy. Hopefully you will understand why and forgive my lack of participation. If I can get out from under the covers I'm hoping to add some new content. Please don't stop visiting because I suck at giving feedback. . .besides all of the drama with me, I'm also technologically challenged, and when I actually try to reciprocate I somehow manage to screw it up. But I'm being 100% sincere when I tell you that reading people's feedback to my work and knowing it's touched others in some small way gives me incentive. After reading them I took the time to type out this update, which may not seem like all that much, but trust me when I tell you that compared to most days, this task is like climbing Mt. Everest!
It makes me think that there is a purpose for the seemingly endless trials and tribulations I've been chosen to go through. This site (when I actually have the desire to try and do more than lay about in a near catatonic state) is a Godsend. I will keep trying to master the give and take of sending out feedback, and I'll keep looking for the feedback that's sent my way.
I'm trying to keep hold of my belief that my life is what it is because there's a greater purpose waiting. I've held fast to the idea that my suffering can serve as an example to others, and if even just one person is saved because of my experience, then the universe makes sense. Besides, there's never a testimony without there first being a test. I'm just weary of a test that seems ongoing and never ending.
Enough whining! Things have sucked, more so than usual, but I'm still here, and I'm fighting to remain! I just wanted to let those who've been repeat visitors, and to anyone new who stops in, what's been going on with me. My actions here are not a reflection on what I write or how I normally conduct myself. Extreme circumstance has quite literally paralyzed me with fear, and I apologize for my weakness. I will find a way to rally and rejoin the world, but it won't happen overnight. I hope you will give me another chance and a little more time because I like your thoughts and reactions and then going to reader's site and getting to know them. (my lack of FB giving aside, I ALWAYS visit the sites of those who visit mine and provide their FB, and it's wonderful to read so many pieces because it brings everything full circle as I get to know each person who reads and comments here).
11 May 2007
Again, I must apologize for a rather lengthy absence. Lately I'm
tired a lot of the time, and although I hate to admit to it, I think I'm
just in a funk of some sort. I have been making progess though on my
HIV/Aids preventative education program. I've been contacting the right
agencies and looking into a lot of things.
I'm hoping to soon have a website up and running, and I hope all who
take the time to read my poetry will also take an interest in this as
well. Where I live, the sad but true fact is that they will be facing a
pandemic if measures aren't taken NOW to stop it. It's a rural area, and it's just beautiful in so many ways, UNTIL you get into the center of the many small towns.
It's a socio-economically depressed area. The job outlook is bleak,
and recently they did a survey which showed that the percentage of drug
and alcohol usage in both junior and highschools are well over the
state's, and in some cases, national norms. Unfortunately the county
bases their funding for HIV/Aids only on the number of REPORTED cases.
I'm sure there are a great many places in this country that are in the
same boat. All we're currently doing is bailing water, when what we
should do is bring the damn thing into dock and start fixing the problems
that are causing us to sink.
I am in Pennsylvania, and my strength is public speaking. If you know
of any agencies that could use an effective speaker, just contact me
through this site, for now. I'm trying to save lives & that starts in
the schools all the way into the rehabs.
As a post note I'd like to thank everyone for their great feedbacks, &
I'm sorry I've not been around to reciprocate. I'll try my best to
remedy this in the not too distant future. Please be patient, I've just
been a bit overwhelmed.
Yours Truly,
Michele
25 May 2007
It seems like everytime I get the energy to actually function, life throws me another curveball. Right now I'm fighting w/ the state to retain my benefits, so if I'm MIA for a time, please understand. Thanks
so much!
Michele
