Absent Minded
The dream behind the song of Flawed designs
When i was a child
i lived in a broken home
my mother was abused by my father
abuse beyond anything
abuse i cant believe
thrown down stairs dragged by her hair
not allowed to vosit he parents or use the phone
I remember for I have a photographic memory
I remember everythiing
and i am still haunted by the dream
my mothers eyes would be bruised shut
her face a mess
my father an alcoholic who does not remember
and one day my mother would seemingly forgive and forget
but how would i?
A year or two went by
and my father
was a womanizer
addicted to the sex of my mothers friends
and rubbing in his victories in her face
and how much his children loved him and not her
and how one day i would be reminded
She got a job as a prison guard
fell in love with a con artist inmate
one who was just finishing his term
one who loved her
one who knew he cared not to learn his lesson
and saw a man who deserved a sentence theat was long overdue
When his sentence was up he moved to my town and shmoozed in the local pub
made friends with my father
and one day my father brought his new friend home to meet my mom
One day my mother my father and the con artist were sitting around the table
he looked very much like my father with his blond hair
and after the third visit he put a gun on the table
and asked me
what would you do if i shot your father in the face?
I said i am young
I would shut down
I would turn off
I would pass out and forget
i couldn't handle it
I have no concept of death
and then right in front of me
BANG
one shot
i hit the floor after watching my father die
I woke up in my bed screaming
crying
ran to my mother
who was in her room
asked her where dad was
she said he was at work
so i waited for him
he came home from the coal mine dirty
and now im older and suffer from this reoccuring nightmare
i realise the conartist is the man who came back from work
and my father i never saw again
for my father never drank again
never smoked pot again
my parents got divorced
and my father went after my grandfather's estate
and sometimes in my waking life i wonder
did my step grandmother catch on that this was the conman
and not my father and this is why he was removed from the will?
My mother fell in love as a prison guard
and hired an excon to kill my father
a con man who killed my father in front of me
one who asked me what i would do if he did
and all i told him was of my flawed design
of how i wouldn't remember
how i had no concept of such things
how i would shut off
how i would forget everything
how i would be confused for years
and now i sit here all the time wondering about this dream
and why it keeps reoccuring
who can quit smoking drinking and drugs overnight?
you wanted a look into my brain and my life and paranoia then fine
why did my granpa look like he was amurder victom and not accident prone?
why is it ironic my grandmother's breaks failed
to become parapalegic to seemingly outsmart them all?
why does this dream keep coming back with no answers but seem so real?
and why does the conversation i had with the tv when i was a bit older
make soo much more sense to me now?
what would you do if your mother
never called you on your birthday for 13 years?
and hadnt bought you anything for christmas either?
How do you strategically tell your step mom she's living with
a man whose a slider who actually killed your father
when you were a child and you are the only witness
and get her to see if she can get him to reminisce the past
instead of the constant philosophy of
where do we go from here?
My mother was a prison guard and fell in love with an excon
the excon killed him in front of me
pretends to be my father
tried to go aftyer my grandfather's estate
but my family outsmarted him
and that is one of the few reasons he lies to the doctors about how crazy
i truly am
a fine con man
a professional who failed
who earned himself a duplex and a fine job and a family to raise
but now that he couldnt get the estate he was after
i hope my mom knows i know where she lives
and i havent forgiven her
for having to watch my real dad take a bullet to the face
and being ignored for 13 years
so mother im telling hiom where you live
and he might come collecting for the rest of what you promised him
I don't care my step mother
a complete stranger raised me
where my father and mother completely failed
and the system couldnt even help
all i have now is the ability to shut down
shut off and forget
and then thank the kindness of strangers
of whom i've had to rely on my entire life for survival
why else am i the only one that can remember anything
that happened in our lives
before i had that dream
and u all seem to forget?
wether its a lawn chair accident or a stubbed toe?
wether its a christmas dinner or a family feud...
somethings you just cant forget
i lived in a broken home
my mother was abused by my father
abuse beyond anything
abuse i cant believe
thrown down stairs dragged by her hair
not allowed to vosit he parents or use the phone
I remember for I have a photographic memory
I remember everythiing
and i am still haunted by the dream
my mothers eyes would be bruised shut
her face a mess
my father an alcoholic who does not remember
and one day my mother would seemingly forgive and forget
but how would i?
A year or two went by
and my father
was a womanizer
addicted to the sex of my mothers friends
and rubbing in his victories in her face
and how much his children loved him and not her
and how one day i would be reminded
She got a job as a prison guard
fell in love with a con artist inmate
one who was just finishing his term
one who loved her
one who knew he cared not to learn his lesson
and saw a man who deserved a sentence theat was long overdue
When his sentence was up he moved to my town and shmoozed in the local pub
made friends with my father
and one day my father brought his new friend home to meet my mom
One day my mother my father and the con artist were sitting around the table
he looked very much like my father with his blond hair
and after the third visit he put a gun on the table
and asked me
what would you do if i shot your father in the face?
I said i am young
I would shut down
I would turn off
I would pass out and forget
i couldn't handle it
I have no concept of death
and then right in front of me
BANG
one shot
i hit the floor after watching my father die
I woke up in my bed screaming
crying
ran to my mother
who was in her room
asked her where dad was
she said he was at work
so i waited for him
he came home from the coal mine dirty
and now im older and suffer from this reoccuring nightmare
i realise the conartist is the man who came back from work
and my father i never saw again
for my father never drank again
never smoked pot again
my parents got divorced
and my father went after my grandfather's estate
and sometimes in my waking life i wonder
did my step grandmother catch on that this was the conman
and not my father and this is why he was removed from the will?
My mother fell in love as a prison guard
and hired an excon to kill my father
a con man who killed my father in front of me
one who asked me what i would do if he did
and all i told him was of my flawed design
of how i wouldn't remember
how i had no concept of such things
how i would shut off
how i would forget everything
how i would be confused for years
and now i sit here all the time wondering about this dream
and why it keeps reoccuring
who can quit smoking drinking and drugs overnight?
you wanted a look into my brain and my life and paranoia then fine
why did my granpa look like he was amurder victom and not accident prone?
why is it ironic my grandmother's breaks failed
to become parapalegic to seemingly outsmart them all?
why does this dream keep coming back with no answers but seem so real?
and why does the conversation i had with the tv when i was a bit older
make soo much more sense to me now?
what would you do if your mother
never called you on your birthday for 13 years?
and hadnt bought you anything for christmas either?
How do you strategically tell your step mom she's living with
a man whose a slider who actually killed your father
when you were a child and you are the only witness
and get her to see if she can get him to reminisce the past
instead of the constant philosophy of
where do we go from here?
My mother was a prison guard and fell in love with an excon
the excon killed him in front of me
pretends to be my father
tried to go aftyer my grandfather's estate
but my family outsmarted him
and that is one of the few reasons he lies to the doctors about how crazy
i truly am
a fine con man
a professional who failed
who earned himself a duplex and a fine job and a family to raise
but now that he couldnt get the estate he was after
i hope my mom knows i know where she lives
and i havent forgiven her
for having to watch my real dad take a bullet to the face
and being ignored for 13 years
so mother im telling hiom where you live
and he might come collecting for the rest of what you promised him
I don't care my step mother
a complete stranger raised me
where my father and mother completely failed
and the system couldnt even help
all i have now is the ability to shut down
shut off and forget
and then thank the kindness of strangers
of whom i've had to rely on my entire life for survival
why else am i the only one that can remember anything
that happened in our lives
before i had that dream
and u all seem to forget?
wether its a lawn chair accident or a stubbed toe?
wether its a christmas dinner or a family feud...
somethings you just cant forget
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The dream behind the song of Flawed designs
The dream behind the song of Flawed designs
